Chapter 10
As Tallah had said, life did indeed go on. Kiros seemed happy enough, for the moment, to follow his ex-commander around killing Caterchipillers and Bite Bugs. He was a very thoughtful guest and pleasant company, even if he did roll his eyes for every monster report.
Laguna wasn’t quite himself, though. Sensing (rightly, for once) that something had changed, he went from just seeking attention to making a pest out of himself. I couldn’t turn around without having him at hand. I couldn’t understand it. Kiros was too reserved to say anything to him, or so I thought. Maybe they felt sorry for me.
August dragged on into September. The flower fields were lush with brilliant late blooms, their last riot of color before the season was over. It was still pleasantly warm during the day; warm enough even for a swim in the river now and then, but the nights had started to take on autumn’s chill.
I didn’t know why Laguna hadn’t left. Kiros certainly wasn’t intending to stay in Winhill for an extended amount of time – he had come a long way to find his friend, but his indulgence was only going to last so long. He was already making plans to head back up to Timber in the middle of the month, but Laguna seemed curiously reluctant to leave. I assured him that I was well able to take care of myself and that he ought to get on with his writing career.
I was upstairs in Laguna’s house one afternoon replacing the sheets on their beds when I heard them come back from patrol. I gathered up the bundle of pillowcases and sheets and started to come down the stairs when the sound of their voices reached me – Laguna sounded upset; Kiros, firm and ungentle.
"Come on, Kiros, cut me a break," he was saying, and I heard him drop his gun on the table downstairs. "I can’t leave. I just… can’t."
I backed up the stairs and pressed myself against the wall, trying not to listen. I didn’t want to get in the middle of their argument.
"You are not doing yourself or Raine any favors by behaving this way," Kiros snapped back at him. "You have to figure things out, because either you go one way or another."
What do I have to do with any of this? I wondered, cautiously sidling closer to the top of the stairs to listen. Was I eavesdropping? That would be the word for it, yes.
"I know it’s a good opportunity!" Laguna sounded frustrated. "Hell yeah, it’s all I ever wanted, to make somethin’ out of myself besides a soldier. But this town took good care of me and I can’t just bail on them. Besides…"
"Besides?" Kiros was not sympathetic. "Besides nothing. Would you just cut the bullshit and be honest with yourself? Or better yet, be honest with Raine. Man, you’ve pulled some stupid stunts in the past, but if you can’t do that, then you rate about a minus ten on the manliness scale."
"I don’t know how she’d take it, you know… Nnngh, I just can’t stand the uncertainty!" I heard a chair scrape on the floor and someone sat down. "They hate me here, you know. I put on a good face and deal with it, but they hate me, and it just ain’t good. They don’t like any outsiders and they sure as hell don’t like soldiers. They’d be real happy to get rid of me, though I keep tryin’ to repay them. I keep trying to repay her, too. But how do you repay someone when you owe them your life? And then you add up the rest of it…" I heard Laguna’s fist slam on the table.
"Don’t underestimate Raine," Kiros told him. "You never know about these things. And something has to give. You know that."
"I don’t wanna talk about this anymore," Laguna replied, standing up. "I’m going out. I’ll see you later."
"Don’t you want to rest up?" Kiros called after him.
"No!" I heard him shout back. "I got too much on my mind. Don’t come with me. Please." I heard the door close and Kiros came back indoors, heading for the stairs. Suddenly aware that I probably would be in a very awkward situation if Kiros found me upstairs, I ducked inside Laguna’s room and hid behind the door. Footsteps passed me in the hallway and the door to Kiros’s room closed.
Stepping lightly on the creaky floor, I eased my way down the stairs and out the door, my heart racing. I nearly fell when I stepped sideways to avoid a loose board, but I didn’t hear any movement from upstairs. No one was out in the square, and I gently opened the door and hurried home with my armload of wash. I didn’t know what to make of the conversation I’d just heard except for the confirmation of Laguna’s misplaced gratitude. It hurt, but the damage had been done weeks ago. All that remained, practically, was to pack up his clothes and send him on his way with Kiros when Kiros left for Timber next week. The bitter part of me that wanted nothing more than to sever all the ties and make a clean break considered doing the packing for him. I knew I wouldn’t, though. I still loved him. I just knew I could never tell him.
About two hours later, Kiros came back to the pub, alone. I was busy stacking glasses up for the evening and making sure that the bar was stocked. It was a surprise to see him come back without Laguna, but if Laguna was still out blowing off steam, then it made sense. Better to pretend I didn’t know about that though. "Hello, Kiros," I said, greeting him. "Where’s Laguna? Didn’t you two come back from patrol together?"
"Yes and no. He’s around." Kiros settled onto a bar stool, brushing one long black braid over his shoulder. "He’s got some things on his mind and deep thought doesn’t come naturally to him."
"So you do it for him?" I couldn’t resist the teasing gibe. We’d had some conversations when Laguna was occupied elsewhere, and we both understood that Laguna usually needed someone to grab him by the scruff of the neck before his nature got the best of him. Before the Centra incident, it had usually been Kiros’ job. I just took over from there.
"Something like that." Kiros chuckled and stretched one arm out until it cracked. "This monster hunting is getting me back into shape, I’ll tell you that much."
I jerked my head towards the window. "Is he somewhere outside? Are you sure he’s set by himself?"
"He’ll be fine." Kiros waved a dismissing hand. "Laguna has some priorities to sort out."
"Oh really?" I fixed Kiros with my most piercing stare, which never failed to discomfit Laguna. He did not appear to be bothered. "Like what?"
"Put the fishing rod away, Madame Raine. If Laguna wants to tell you what’s on his mind, he will," Kiros said, dryly. "I hate to ask, but I’m starving. Is there anything handy?"
"Hey, at least you ask, instead of standing in front of the refrigerator, ransacking my supplies, and drinking milk directly out of the carton," I returned, smiling. "I’ve got some cold chicken; is that good enough?"
"Perfect. Thanks." I went to prepare a plate. From the kitchen, I heard the door open – Laguna must have come in. "You’re back," I heard Kiros say. "Feeling better?"
"A little…" was the response.
"So what are you doing next week, then?"
"Aw, don’t harass me about that in here! Come on, man!" Laguna sounded unhappy. "It’s lunchtime, for crying out loud."
I came out with Kiros’ lunch and set it in front of him, then did a doubletake as I glanced at Laguna. He looked like he’d been dragged backwards by the heel through every bush and tree in Winhill. "Hyne, Laguna! What happened to you?"
"Some weird stuff going on out in the hills," he said, looking strained. "I was out… well, I was out walking, and of course I ran into some monsters, nothing out of the ordinary, right? Just those Bite Bugs and Caterchipillers. But I saw something else out there, and it worries me."
"What is it, Laguna?" Kiros said, concerned. "Some other new monster?"
"Yup. I saw a ruby dragon out wandering around. Luckily, they don’t see too well, and I was downwind, so it didn’t see me and I got away." Laguna pulled some bracken out of his hair. "I hid in a thicket by the river – you know, out where it curves over to the north and wells up deep?" I nodded. "It was going there for water. I don’t know what it’s doing here. They’re not native to this region, either. I’ve never heard of one finding its way this far south."
"Do you think it will just go away?" I said, hoping the answer was yes. The town didn’t have the resources to deal with ruby dragons. They were tough and nasty, and they used magic.
"I hope so," Laguna replied, scrubbing his eyes wearily. "It would be a disaster if it came for this town. Dunno why it would, unless it was hungry. They eat meat, not bugs, so there’s that risk."
"Not good." Kiros looked wary. "Too bad we can’t just tell the faeries to arrive and then go hunting. They’re weak against Ice magic, and that one guardian force would probably make short work of it. The best defense is a good offense."
"Right you are, but we haven’t got any magic, now that we’re out of the service." I handed Laguna a wet towel, and he took it with a word of thanks, mopping dirt off his face.
"You’ve had a big day already," I said. "Are you hungry? You ought to eat and then go rest up. I just changed your sheets."
"That’d be great. I’ll have what he’s having. Thanks a lot." Laguna looked very tired. I called Ellone down from her room when I was finished making something to eat and we had a quiet lunch. Elle was her usual chatty self, but Laguna seemed very preoccupied, and Kiros picked up the slack. We finished up and I gathered up the plates. Kiros gave me a heartfelt thank-you and left.
"Are you going for a nap?" I asked Laguna, who was staring off into space.
"Oh… yeah. Yeah. I’m pretty tired." He offered a wan smile.
"Sleep well, then," I said. "You’ll be back around dinner?"
"Yeah." Laguna stared at the tabletop, and I shrugged and turned for the kitchen. As I started to walk away, he called. "Raine?"
"Yes?" I answered, looking back over my shoulder.
"Umm… Kiros is going back to Timber next week, you know that, right?"
Here it comes. I suddenly found it difficult to breathe. "Yes, I know."
"Would… would it be all right if I stayed here? He’ll make it to Timber all right once he gets to the train station."
I relaxed, minutely. "Why would you have to ask, Laguna? You know you can stay here. I don’t mind."
"Well, yeah, I know… sorta…" Laguna looked up at me, and I was acutely aware of the strength of his green-eyed gaze. "Never mind. I didn’t want to leave you and Elle all alone, and I know she’d miss me. I wouldn’t want to make Elle unhappy, you know?"
"Of course. Whatever you want, Laguna." I resettled the dishes. "I’m going to take care of these. Why don’t you head back home?"
He had brightened considerably. "Thanks! Um… well… okay, I’ll see you later."
I nodded, and Laguna went back home. "That was very strange," I said to the air, and went to clean up the dishes.
A week later, Kiros set out for the train to Timber. "You’re sure you want to stay here?" he asked, shouldering his bag.
"Yeah, yeah. You go have fun. If you see any of the other guys, tell ‘em I said hi, will you?"
"Is there something… you want me to get for you while I’m away?" Kiros’ question was laden with some unknown meaning, because Laguna flushed miserably. Kiros shook his head and his braids shivered on his back. "Never mind. See you in a week, Laguna." The two friends took their leave and Kiros set out down the road.
I looked at Laguna curiously. "What was that all about?"
"Nothing!" he replied, quickly. "Nothing at all. Hey, I think I hear Ellone calling. G’bye!" Laguna scurried off before I could question him any further. I shrugged and went out back to start splitting bulbs from the spring flowers for the next season. A little later, Ellone and Laguna came out to settle on the grass and enjoy the sun. Elle started picking clover blossoms for a daisy chain.
"Are you goin’ out on patrol again today, Uncle Laguna?" I overheard her ask him.
"Yep, in a little while," he answered. "I gotta make sure that a dragon stays where it belongs, so I can protect you."
"A dragon!" Elle squeaked. "Eek! Is it big?"
"Pretty big and scary," he said. I glanced up at him and saw Elle drape a flower circlet on his head. I hid a smile and continued to dig in the dirt. A large clump of daffodil bulbs surfaced and I began to divide them.
"You look pretty!" Elle sang. Her little face abruptly changed, and in seconds, she was all seriousness. "Uncle Laguna?" she asked, patting his knee.
"Yes, Elle?"
"Who protects you when you go out to protect us?"
"Kiros helps me, kiddo," he answered, tousling her hair. "Most of the time I’m pretty much okay, so don’t worry!"
"But Kiros isn’t here," she pointed out. "Raine says he went away. What are you going to do now?"
"Same as always, Elle," he replied. "I’m gonna go out and hunt monsters."
"But there’s a dragon!" she mock-whispered. "I don’t want the dragon to get you, either."
"It won’t. And you know I’ll always come to rescue you, Elle. Come on, you want to go play catch?"
"Yeah! I’ll get the ball, okay?" Ellone hugged Laguna and dashed off inside. I rocked back on my heels and shoved dirt back over the new plantings. Laguna sprawled out on the grass and watched me pinch off dead blooms from the other plants on the garden.
"You look like the earth mother, pushing flowers around like that," Laguna said, startling me. I arched an eyebrow at him and laughed.
"You look like a lovely wood nymph with that crown on your head," I returned, raking sticks out of the soil. "You’re a good sport to let Elle dress you up." Laguna chuckled and shook the chain of flowers off his head.
"It makes her happy, I guess. But I think this would look better on you," he joked, standing up with the crown in his hand.
I ducked to the side and brushed irritably at the advance of the ring of blossoms, laughing a little. "Knock it off – go put that somewhere else! You big pest."
Laguna evaded my halfhearted brushoff and dropped the ring onto my head, and the petals caught in my hair to keep it from sliding off. I made a face at him, but he was laughing. "Now who looks like a wood nymph?" His laughter trailed off, and I was aware again of the weight of his regard. It made me very uncomfortable and a little angry, since I knew too much about where his heart really lay. This kind of flirtatious teasing, innocent or not, was more than I could stand right now.
"All right, all right, enough," I grumped, brandishing a trowel. "Go find something useful to do, would you please?" I pulled the clover blossoms off my head and fixed my attention on the dirt. After a few minutes, he turned and left.
Laguna went out on patrol that week without his comrade-in-arms. I knew he was worried about the dragon, and I was worried about what would happen if he ran into it. He probably wouldn’t survive a close encounter. Every night I was tense until he walked through the door, and Elle picked up on it. She fretted enough for the both of us, especially if Laguna came home much past sunset. "You make me worry so much!" she would scold, shaking her finger at him in unconscious imitation of me.
Not really understanding why Laguna hadn’t gone with Kiros dragged on me. I didn’t want to give myself false hopes, but at the same time, I couldn’t help it. I was irritable and unhappy, snapping at Laguna and regretting it later. I regretted it more when I would see the expression of hurt surprise registering on his face when I took my heartache out on him. But I had to admit that as wrong as it was, I wanted to make him as upset as I was, even if he was completely unaware of what was wrong. No one ever called me a saint.
The weather that week reflected my moods, and I imagined that the uncertain skies above were caused by my state of mind, as silly as it was. Even if the completely silent sorceress abilities were awakening – and I knew they wouldn’t, ever – no magic could affect the weather. It pleased me to think so all the same. It made Ellone very anxious when Laguna was out when it looked like a storm might be brewing, and she would sit out on the front stoop until he came home. I was too proud to sit with her, but it didn’t mean I didn’t want to.
The weather had been spoiling for a serious blow all day long. Appropriately, I felt the same way. Laguna was bewildered by my change in attitude, and he had been harassing me to talk to him about what was bothering me all day long. "Come on, Raine," he coaxed. "I know something’s bothering ya! You can tell me, I’m your friend, right?"
And therein lies the problem, I thought cynically. It wasn’t Laguna as a friend that I wanted. I concentrated hard on keeping my temper. "I’m all right, Laguna," I answered, trying to keep my tone level. "Nothing’s wrong."
"I don’t believe that one little bit," Laguna replied, coming around inside the bar and insinuating himself between me and the glasses I was trying to stack. Annoyed, I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. "You’ve been walking around here like a stray stormcloud, and it’s not like you. What’s up?" I turned my back on him and started mopping the top of the bar with a rag. He laid a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Raine, don’t turn away, huh? I’m worried ‘bout you." Laguna obviously meant to be comforting, but the warmth of his touch was anything but.
Please, please don’t touch me, I begged him in my head. What’s wrong is that I love you, and you’re leaving, and I don’t know why you don’t just leave and get it over with, I thought. I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and turned to face him. Laguna looked completely confounded. "Laguna, stop it," I said. "Don’t. Just… don’t."
"I don’t understand," he said, looking wary.
"Never mind." I sighed and pushed a stray lock of hair away from my face. The words were close to the surface, but I couldn’t say them. "Why, Laguna? Why didn’t you go with Kiros to Timber? Don’t you want to get started on that career you’re talking about?"
"Is that what’s bothering you?" Laguna asked, incredulous. "Do you really want me to leave?" He looked stricken.
I shook my head. "I just don’t understand why you want to stay here in this nowhere place when you have bigger and better things calling you. I mean…" I forced the half-truth out past a lump in my throat. "Ellone and I got along without you, Laguna. And we can get along fine if you leave. If you have a dream…" I almost choked. "If you have a dream, you should be out following it, not cooling your heels here in Winhill."
"I don’t know what to say," he answered, softly.
"Then don’t say anything." I brushed past him, maintaining an iron grip on my emotions. I paused at the bottom of the stairs and turned back. Laguna was still staring at me from behind the bar. "Don’t get suckered in here, Laguna. Get out there and make a life for yourself. I know better than anyone that it won’t come here to find you." He made a move as if to reply, but I had already disappeared through the door to the upstairs. A little while later, I heard the front door bang, and I knew he was gone.
The pain was too deep for tears. I settled for curling up on my bed and staring out at the trees, which were already starting to show the faintest hint of color. I heard Ellone rattling around the house like a pea in a coffee can, but all I could see was the gray sky beyond my window. Laguna came in a little later, and I heard him talking to Ellone, but I didn’t move to come out of my room. He came up the stairs and tapped on my door.
"Raine?" I heard through the wood. "Raine, I’m going out… I’ll see you in a little while? Raine, are you in there?" I didn’t answer. Footsteps scuffled outside my door, and then went away. I went to the window and watched as he ran off down the main street with his gun on his back. I put a hand up to the windowpane in silent farewell and got up. The sky was swiftly darkening, and I went downstairs and out onto the stoop. Ellone was playing quietly with her dolls on the floor of the tavern. She came out with me and leaned against my leg.
"Where did Uncle Laguna go, Elle?" I asked, dropping down beside her to sit on the step.
"He went out to fight monsters," she said. "But he seems really sad. Why would Uncle Laguna be so sad?"
I felt guilty. "I got mad at him," I admitted. "I didn’t mean to."
"Why would you be mad at Uncle Laguna?" Elle asked, sounding reproachful.
"You’ll understand when you’re older," I said, not wanting to get into it with her. I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself as a cold wind began to blow across the square. Dark, ominous clouds were gathering on the horizon, and I could see lightning shivering far away. "I hope he gets back all right…" I murmured. "Storm’s coming."
Ellone and I went back inside. Thunder growled in the distance, and rain began to patter against the windows. The approaching clouds hurried the sunset, and I lit the candles and lamps on the tables.
An hour went by, then two. Elle was openly fretting, and I was sitting against the wall of the bar, listening for the familiar boot-tread on the steps outside. I knew that the dragon was out there – and I knew that Laguna was, too. "Hyne, let him be all right," I whispered. "I love him."
"Uncle Laguna must be in trouble," Elle moaned, her eyes wide and frightened in her little face. "We should go look for him! What if the dragon got him?"
"Ssssh, now, Elle. We can’t go outside looking!" A crash of thunder shook the house, and Elle screamed and grabbed onto my arm.
"Please, please! We have to find him!" she sobbed.
"In this weather? No, Elle." I hugged her and then stood up. "I’m going upstairs to see if he’s anywhere in sight. Can you stay down here?" She nodded. "Okay. I’ll be down soon."
From all the windows of the pub, I couldn’t see any trace of Laguna, even in the brilliant flashes of lightning. "Please come back…" I whispered. "Please come home." I didn’t know how long I stood at the window, staring out into the black, my mind in turmoil. Slowly I became aware that it was, again, too quiet downstairs. A horrible thought stole into my mind, and I raced down the steps, hair flying. "Oh, Hyne… no!" I gasped. "Elle!" Her raincoat and galoshes were missing and there was water on the floor near the door. "Oh no," I moaned. "She’s out there all alone." Frantic, I grabbed my own raingear and ran out into the whipping wind and rain.
I must have covered half the surrounding countryside, screaming for Elle at the top of my lungs. She was nowhere to be found. I stumbled through fields and over streams swollen with rainwater, watching fearfully for a little form carried along by the current. My face was streaked with rain and tears of fright, and after an hour of searching, I came back to the pub – hoping against hope that she had found her way home.
She wasn’t there. My heart fell and I shook with terrified sobs. Suddenly weak in the knees, I leaned against the front of the pub, heart hammering against my chest.
"Raine!" someone yelled, and I spun around, not daring to hope. There, racing through the driving downpour, was a familiar figure in a sodden blue jacket. And in his arms was a small, crying figure in a yellow raincoat.
"Oh, Hyne!" I gasped, "You found her!"
"I didn’t find her first," he said, eyes hard and focused. "The dragon did that. I got her away from it."
I took the sobbing Ellone into my arms. "What do you mean?"
"The dragon found Ellone out wandering and decided she would make a good snack," Laguna said, fingers tightening around the grips of his gun. "I had a couple of the spider webs those Caterchipillers drop with me and I slowed it down enough to grab her out from under its nose. But it knows where I went and it’s coming for Winhill."
I went white. "You’re not going to fight that thing, are you?"
"I have to, Raine," he told me. "I can’t let it hurt anyone here, and it will. It was pretty pissed off. Take Elle inside and lock the doors."
"I’ll take Ellone inside, and then I’m coming with you," I said, starting for the door.
"No! You’re not!" Laguna seized me by the shoulders, and his very forcefulness stopped my thoughts dead in their tracks. "If either of you got hurt, I’d never forgive myself. Stay here, Raine. I mean it. Please." Then, before I could protest, he pulled me close and kissed me, hard.
My entire being focused for one brilliant moment on the fleeting sensation of his mouth on mine. Stunned and silent, I could only watch dumbly as Laguna turned away from me and ran for the entrance of town. I raised a wondering hand to my lips, still unable to believe what had just happened. Could it be, my mind whispered as I stood in the driving rain, could it be that I had been wrong?
First things first. I needed to take care of Ellone, but my mind was racing. The crossbow was still under the bar, and there were some modifications I could make to my arrows that might help in the fight. I was being a fool to follow him and I knew it, but there was no way in all hells that I was going to let Laguna get himself killed. Ellone – and I – needed him too much. Maybe he was going to leave after all, but that simple kiss was full of promise, and I wasn’t going to let it go now that I’d seen it.
I carried Elle indoors and helped her out of her rainjacket and boots. "Hey, sweetie," I whispered, pushing wet hair out of her eyes. She was shivering and tears were still rolling down her cheeks. "You’re home. Uncle Laguna came to save you. Are you okay?" She started to sob again, and I gathered her up into my arms and started carrying her upstairs. "Come on, let’s get you out of these wet things."
"I’m sorry!" she cried piteously, as I shushed her and rocked her. "I didn’t… didn’t mean to get’n trouble!"
"It’s all right," I soothed, helping her out of her wet clothes and wrapping her in a towel. "I’m not mad at you. I’m just very, very happy you’re all right." I rubbed her hair vigorously with the towel to dry it and took some warm pajamas out of her drawers. "Let’s put these on, okay? You’re warm and safe now in your own room, and there’s no more dragon to hurt you."
"There is so," she whispered, as I tucked her into bed. "Uncle Laguna is going to fight it."
"Uncle Laguna will be all right," I said. I hope. "You’ll see." I pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Can you try and go to sleep?" She was half asleep already, and gave a little nod. "Sleep tight," I whispered, shutting the door behind me. Time to get down to business.
I pulled my raingear out of the closet – long coat, boots, and gloves. Under the bar was my crossbow, and assorted junk spilled over the floor as I roughly pulled the weapon and quiver out. Somewhere in the mess was the item I was looking for… I poked around, hands flying with urgency, until my scrabbling fingers closed over a small leather bag with a vial inside. I pulled it out and removed the vial with shaking fingers.
Inside the vial was the last of my slowpoison, the last remnant of the monster hunting I’d done as a youngster. I hoped – prayed – that it was still effective. I unscrewed the cap, delicately despite shaking fingers, and picked up one of my spilled quarrels. Carefully, I twisted the head of the arrow into the poison, and held it above the surface of the liquid so the excess could drip back. Once it was dry, I put it gently into the quiver. I was able to treat five quarrels before the meager supply was exhausted.
The crossbow was ready. I knew I could never match Laguna for brute strength, but the slowpoison might even the odds a little. I dressed for the weather and slung the bow over my shoulder. "Let’s go hunting," I whispered, and hurried out into the waiting dark.