Catalyst. Definition: an agent that provokes or speeds significant change or action. I looked up that word in the dictionary after the events of that fateful summer, realizing that catalyst was the best way to describe the dark man who walked into my bar one warm morning. Laguna didn’t know it at the time, and neither did I, but he was the turning point in our relationship – though it didn’t happen right away.

    One might have thought that the night of the bar fight would have been a catalyst for our relationship – with me as the damsel in distress and Laguna as the rescuing savior. It didn’t happen. Instead, things continued much the same as always. I bit down hard on the moment of weakness and resolved not to let it happen again, returning to my usual acerbic manner with Laguna.

    It wasn’t that hard to do. Every time serious thoughts of initiating a relationship stole into my head, Laguna would do something silly or downright stupid, and I would be left wondering at the end of the day just what I had ever been thinking. Like the time he thought he’d build a treehouse for Ellone, and ended up falling out of the branches with a handful of nails and a hammer. A tetanus shot and a bruised tailbone later, Laguna gave up that idea. Then there had been a large bouquet of assorted wildflowers and poison ivy that had materialized in the bar because he "knew I liked flowers." It would have been a sweet gesture if he hadn’t spread the irritant from the leaves all over himself, and it had been a truly miserable week of oatmeal baths and calamine lotion and cortisone. To add to the annoyance, Laguna’s house had no tub, just a shower, so I had to give up my bathroom every so often so he could get some relief from the itching.

    It had been a hot summer, but August had brought some relief, and the storms that had come nearly every day at the height of the heat had tapered off, to Ellone’s relief. She didn’t like the noise or the sudden flashes of light, and if Laguna was anywhere in the vicinity, he could count on having a four-year-old wrapped around his torso for the duration of the storm. He never seemed to mind, at least. The rains had made the year’s flowers particularly profuse and lovely, and I took great pleasure in designing new arrangements for the tavern tables, even if they went largely unappreciated by my patrons.

    The morning it started to change dawned bright, clear, and cool. I was working at the bar, setting things up for the day, and Ellone was playing on the floor. Laguna was at his house, resting up after the morning’s exertions. The door opened, and I spoke without looking up. "Sorry, we’re closed!"

    "That’s too bad. I’ve come a long way," a dry voice returned. I raised my head, startled, and saw a dark, lean man in black body armor in the doorway. Twin blades rested in scabbards at his hips, jogging a memory. He looked familiar, though I couldn’t place it.

    "May I help you?" I said, putting down my dishtowel and coming out from behind the bar. Ellone was watching the newcomer with wide eyes. "Are you looking for someone?"

    "I am, as a matter of fact. The soldiers at the garrison said he might be here…"

    Recognition clicked. "Wait a minute. I know who you are. I’ve seen your picture. You’re Laguna’s friend – Kiros, right?"

    "So he is here." White teeth flashed in a smile. "I’ve been looking for him for a while. I didn’t expect he’d end up somewhere quiet like this, though. Laguna always gravitated towards noise." Kiros’ gaze sharpened and came to rest on me.

    I spread my hands and laughed. "Don’t get the wrong idea. It wasn’t his first choice, believe me. Come on inside and sit if you’re tired. My name’s Raine – I own this pub."

    Kiros inclined his head graciously and shut the door behind him, but he didn’t sit down. "Thanks. A glass of water would be great. The road’s dusty."

    I filled up a glass and added a twist of lemon. "Easily done," I replied, handing him the water. "How long have you been looking for Laguna?"

    "A long time," Kiros said, drinking deeply. A motion near his legs caught his attention and he glanced down, an amused smile creeping across his face. Ellone had been trying to creep up on him, curious as a cat. "And who are you, little girl?"

    "My name’s Ellone," she said, giving him a very assessing gaze for one so young. "An’ I’m not little – I’m four!" She held up four fingers.

    "My mistake," Kiros said, gravely. "Are you Laguna’s friend, too?"

    "Yep!" Elle gave him a brilliant smile. "Uncle Laguna’s my bestest friend in the whole world."

    "Uncle Laguna?" Kiros’ eyebrow rose a fraction of an inch.

    "Don’t worry, they’re not related," I said. "She just calls him that because they’re so close."

    "I see." Kiros did not look convinced. "Where is… Uncle Laguna? Can I talk to him?"

    "Sure, but I think he’s probably resting after patrol. He ought to be here soon, once his stomach gets the better of him," I replied. Kiros chuckled.

    "I’ll go get him!" Ellone chirped, bouncing. "Please!"

    "No. You promised you wouldn’t sneak over there again. Even Uncle Laguna was mad at you last time you went outside without an adult around." Well, as mad as Laguna gets where she is concerned.

    "But this is ’portant!" she protested, itching to leave.

    My voice rose on a warning pitch. "Ellone…"

    Ellone huffed and stood by the door, bouncing from foot to foot. "Pokey!"

    I shook my head. Kiros looked entertained by the spectacle. "I wonder why she and Laguna get along so well. They’re so…different." The corner of his mouth twisted in irony.

    At that moment, I decided I liked Laguna’s friend. Anyone with that dry a wit couldn’t be all bad. "I take it you have a long history with my guest. Where did you and Laguna meet?"

    "We met in the army," he replied, finally opting to pull up a chair and settle by the bar. Even sitting, Kiros towered over me, and I had to crane my neck to look up at him. "He and Ward and I were all in boot camp together, and we just clicked, I guess. The draft threw us all in there together. They were getting desperate for new recruits at that point; my hometown is even more remote than your outpost."

    "I can imagine," I replied, admiring Kiros’ exotic tribal braids. "Go on."

    "Anyway, despite his penchant for trouble, Laguna had this way of schmoozing with the brass, and he got promoted first. After that… it got interesting."

    I held up a hand to stay the story for a moment. "Sorry to interrupt. It’s too quiet. Where’s Ellone?"

    "The front door’s open a little. Do you think she sneaked out?"

    "I don’t think, I know it. Damn it." I rubbed my eyes. "She’s picked up some bad habits from her best friend, including flouting rules."

    Kiros laughed. "Tell me about it. We spent more time dodging angry officers… At least it was never boring. Between Laguna’s lack of a sense of direction and poor organization regarding important things like maps, I think I saw more of Galbadia and Centra than anyone else in the army."

    "We must trade stories sometime." A man-sized shadow passed across the stained-glass window, followed by the patter of small feet. "I think he’s here."

    "Hmm." Kiros stood up and leaned against the wall, almost melting into the shadows. "I doubt he’s changed too much." I walked out from behind the bar to snag Ellone before she could disappear and evade the consequences of her behavior.

    Ellone pushed open the door and ran inside, stopping dead at the look of thunder on my face. "Oops…"

    "Ellone, you are in big trouble. You know you were supposed to stay here and not go outside," I scolded. "You know what that means?"

    "Bed an hour early for a week," she said, sounding sulky.

    "Good. Don’t do it again. You understand, Ellone?" She nodded. "Now go to your room and play."

    Laguna had followed her in – apparently he hadn’t noticed Kiros yet. Ellone went over to commiserate with her partner-in-crime. I could just hear what they were saying. "I got in twouble."

    "That's 'cause you broke your promise. Too baaaad..." Laguna said in a little singsong voice.

    "Laguna! Use proper English when speaking to Ellone!"

    He shot me a withering look. "I got'n trouble," he whispered to Elle.

    "Toooo baaad!" she mimicked, and they both giggled.

    A dark shape separated itself from the wall, and Kiros walked into Laguna’s line of view. "It's been a while, Laguna."

    Laguna went white with shock, and a look of incredulous joy crossed his face. "Kiros!"

    "You seem well," Kiros remarked, as Laguna joined us near the bar.

    "Yeah, you too." Laguna still looked like he couldn’t quite believe that his friend was alive. "Hey, how long has it been? You know, our grand escape from Centra?"

    Kiros looked unimpressed with the notion of a grand escape. "That was...One would usually call that being chased out..."

    "I thought so." I resisted the urge to say more. I knew Laguna’s tendency to exaggerate.

    "Well, I would say about a year or so," Kiros finished.

    "I was bed-ridden for over 6 months. It seemed like every bone in my body was in pieces," Laguna said, dramatically shivering. Here we go with the war wounds, I thought, catching Kiros’ glance and discreetly raising a contradictory five fingers for the amount of months he had really been in bed with his injuries. Perhaps Laguna was trying to rationalize why he hadn’t gone out looking for his friend.

    "I nursed him back to health," I put in. Lucky me.

    "Thank you for taking good care of Laguna," Kiros said to me, and I nodded. He turned his attention back to Laguna. "I was able to recover in about a month or so. Ever since then...I've been searching for you."

    "Why?" Laguna didn’t seem to understand.

    "After leaving the army...Well, just killing time, I guess. Life's pretty boring without you as entertainment, my man."

    I stifled a giggle. Laguna didn’t look too happy about being someone’s entertainment. "That's a harsh thing to say. I've been living a productive life here," he grumbled, glowering.

    "I think I understand what you mean, though," I teased. If I forced myself to step back and look at the last year, it hadn’t been boring. Trying, annoying, and frustrating, yes; but not boring. That’s just the bad stuff, Raine, the little voice in my head scolded. I told it to shut up and go back to sleep.

    "So what do you want to know?" Kiros asked Laguna. Old friends catching up, I thought, and turned my attention to the bar, trying not to listen in too closely on their conversation. Laguna was full of questions about the third member of the troupe, the enigmatic Ward. It wasn’t until the name "Julia" came up that my wandering interest came back with an unpleasant jolt.

    "Tell me about Julia! Is she doin’ okay?" Laguna pressed, fingers dancing over an imaginary piano. Dark eyes flashed to my face to register the expression.

    "I don’t know…" he hedged, trying to discourage Laguna. Kiros was no fool – I would have to watch myself around him, I thought, carefully schooling my features back to neutrality. If he’d figured out in five minutes what had eluded Laguna for five months, then he was clearly the brains of the outfit.

    "You mean Julia the singer?" I asked, surprised. I would never have expected Laguna to know someone so famous.

    "That's right. Laguna really admired her and always frequented the night club," Kiros replied.

    "Shut up! So what if I did!" Laguna turned red.

    "Julia used to sing at a night club?" That was news to me. Since I liked Eyes on Me so much, I had read a few articles about Julia Heartilly. They hadn’t mentioned stints as a lounge singer, though.

    Kiros shook his head. "No, she didn't sing. She just played the piano."

    "Then the first song she released was Eyes on Me?"

    Laguna started. He stammered, "H-How does the song go?"

    "You don't know?" I asked. I thought everyone had heard it by now. You could barely turn on the radio without hearing Julia.

    "Well, you never let me hear it!" Laguna returned. That was true enough. If that song was playing when he came by, I’d always turned the radio off.

    "I didn't think you listened to music," I said, sidestepping the accusation. "The song's about being in love...I really like it."

    "Heard she recently got married," Kiros remarked, watching Laguna out of the corner of his eye.

    "Oh yeah!" I remembered there had been a big photo spread in Celebrity Style when she tied the knot. "To some army general, right? General Caraway or something?"

    Kiros shrugged. "I'm not too sure."
 
    "I read in a magazine that her true love went off to war and never came back," I said, interested to hear some more gossip about my favorite singer. "General Caraway comforted her while she was feeling down. That's how they got to know each other."

    "...So she didn't wait for the soldier to come back...?" Kiros’ oddly pointed comment caused Laguna to flush. He looked very uncomfortable.

    "So what! Who cares?" Laguna retorted, folding his arms. "As long as she's happy, right? That's all that matters!" He turned his back on us. "Ain't that right, Elle?" She had been listening in, as usual.

    "Right!" Elle said. "Uncle Laguna and Raine are..."

    Laguna yelped to cover the end of her sentence, which was "gonna get married," of course. Ellone still hadn’t let that rest, and I knew that Kiros’ mention of marriage had set her off. She continued to hold out hope. "Okay, enough talk about this!" he said, grinning nervously. "Let’s talk later." His gaze turned inward for a moment and he put a head to his forehead as if to check for fever.

    "Laguna, are you all right?" I asked. "Is it the heat?"

    "Sorry," he said, coming back to himself. "I think the faeries are here."

    Kiros suddenly looked a little peaked himself. "...Faeries? Yeah, I guess so..."

    "Then our work today should be a cinch." Laguna snapped his fingers, pleased.

    "I'm looking forward to the battles," Kiros replied, a note of anticipation in his voice.

    "Time to do some work." Laguna shouldered his gun and cocked his head at Kiros, who nodded assent. "So, what's your plan? You're gonna stick around here for a bit, right?"

    "Would that be okay?" Kiros asked me.

    "You work for what you eat. If that's fine with you, you're more than welcome," I answered. There was no reason not to hold him to the same standard as Laguna. If I was to have a third drain on my resources, then he could go out and kill monsters like his friend.

    Ellone tugged on Laguna’s pants. "Come back soon, okay?"

    I waved them off. "Well, have fun at work. I'll have lunch ready." The two of them scurried off to eliminate insects, leaving Ellone and me alone.

    "Uncle Laguna’s friend is weird!" Ellone pronounced, staring out the window at the two men running across the town square. "Where did he come from?"

    Uncle Laguna’s friend is a lot smarter than he is, I thought. "He comes from a different part of the Planet, Elle, and I bet you could learn a lot from him." I gave her a stern look. "Didn’t I tell you to go play in your room?"

    "I don’t wanna!" she pouted, sticking her lip out.

    "You are still in the doghouse for sneaking out of the house. Now, march. You can come out for lunch."

    "No!" Ellone cried, bursting into tears. "You’re mean! Uncle Laguna wouldn’t send me to my room. He said I was a good girl!"

    "Upstairs, Ellone," I said. "I mean it. Enough with the crocodile tears."

    Sniffling, she went upstairs and I heard the door shut. She had to learn. It wasn’t safe to run around outside without an escort. Especially since she was special. All of us here in Winhill dreaded the day when Esthar might come back. I followed her up to make sure that the door was closed and Ellone really was in her room.

    So Kiros was going to stay with us. I sighed. Another mouth to feed, and another head that needed a pillow. There were extra linens in the bureau in the upstairs sitting room, and I pulled out clean white sheets to make up one of the other beds in Laguna’s house. It had all happened so fast…

    Something was bothering me about the conversation about Julia but I couldn’t place it. It wasn’t unreasonable for a fan to go to see his idol, was it? Had it meant anything? I tucked the linens and blankets under my arm, decided that Kiros’ room was likely to be dusty as well, and pulled some cleaning supplies out of the hall closet. Bucket in hand, I walked over to Laguna’s house.

    He kept the downstairs neat, at least. I shivered when I saw the bullet holes in the wall, and Ellone’s father and mother seemed to watch me from their pictures as I went upstairs. "I’m doing my best," I said softly, as if their spirits were still there and needed reassurance that I was taking care of their daughter.

    The door to Laguna’s room was open, and I peeked inside. Pillows were scattered near Ellone’s toy piano – Laguna had been teaching Elle how to play. It was a talent I hadn’t expected from him, but he had unexpectedly good taste in music. Well, then, that would make sense that he would go to see a talented pianist, I rationalized. Right? Right.

    Next door was the guest room, with a single bed, nightstand, and chest of drawers. I didn’t want to put anyone in Ellone’s parents’ old room. Dust flew as I sprayed the wood with cleaner and wiped up two years’ worth of neglect. He and Laguna could share a bathroom. Sun filtered pleasantly into the room once the windowpanes had been cleaned, and I opened the window to let some fresh air in.

    As I worked, I mulled the Julia question. Why would Laguna get so embarrassed if it were just an idol thing? It wasn’t anything to be concerned about, to think someone was talented and to go to see her play. I knew I’d love to go see Julia in concert, but she was so famous now that it was very difficult to get tickets.

    I pulled the slipcover off the mattress and made Kiros’ bed, shaking the sheets out. Well, maybe Laguna was just self-conscious about talking about his interest in front of people. Maybe he didn’t think it was very manly. He could be funny that way.

    Done. I checked my watch and decided to get started on lunch. Hopefully Kiros wasn’t as much of a glutton as his friend. I went back to the pub kitchen and pulled out bread and sandwich stuffing. I switched on the radio, more for background noise than anything else, and soft rock spilled out of the speakers. I hummed to myself and sliced bread.

    The chords to a familiar tune started up and I smiled. Eyes on Me, again. Julia started to sing, as she had so many times before, "Whenever sang my songs… on the stage, on my own…" Pretty. I hummed along.

    Still singing. "You’d always be there in the corner… of this tiny little bar…" Music died in my throat. Laguna knew Julia. Laguna went to the bar to see Julia. Kiros’ words rang in my ears: Laguna really admired her and always frequented the night club. And I knew from the magazines that Julia wrote Eyes on Me about a soldier who would come to see her play.

    Julia had written this song about her true love, who went off to war and never came back. Laguna went off to war and didn’t come back because I’d found him instead. It was all coming together. The blood drained from my face and I put the knife down before it could drop from nerveless fingers. Pieces were falling into place as the song wove into the conversation Laguna had had with Kiros about Julia.

    Julia had written Eyes on Me for the soldier who came to watch her play, and that soldier was Laguna.

    "So let me come to you… close as I wanted to be…" the song continued. Julia wrote those words when she was thinking about her true love. Julia’s true love was Laguna. I put a hand to my face, stunned, as the shocking pain of realization hit me like a speeding train.

    Laguna went to see Julia at the nightclub because Laguna was in love with Julia.

    Laguna’s true love is Julia.

    Oh Hyne.

    What a fool I’d been. My face burned with shame. What a fool I’d almost made of myself. Stupid Raine, pining after a soldier who was pining after someone else. It had all been in my head; my feelings, unrequited. The signals I thought he might be giving me – they were imaginary. All those nights I’d thought about loving him, and wondering whether he loved me in return – fruitless speculation in the face of this woman who wrote songs for him as he worshiped her from afar. And why would Laguna want to stay here in a small town with a small-town girl when he could have had the hand of Julia Heartilly, with the fame and fortune that would go with it.

    At that moment, I hated Julia Heartilly-Caraway more than anyone in the entire world.

    Hands shaking, I twisted the power dial on the radio so hard that the knob snapped off in my hand. I felt numb, shaken. The sandwiches lay half-finished on the cutting board. I left them there and drifted upstairs, not really aware of anything but the heartache.

    Ellone’s goldfish swam around and around in its bowl, a little orange flicker, moving in circles and not really going anywhere. Kind of like me, I thought, getting myself all wrapped up in the might-have-beens and not concentrating on what was right in front of me. Circles and circles and misplaced hope over misplaced gratitude. I leaned back into a chair and stared at the ceiling.

    "Raine?" Ellone stood in the hallway, peeking around the corner. "Are you okay?"

    "Yeah." I rubbed my eyes. "Everything’s all right. I’m a little tired, I guess."

    "Oops. I wasn’t supposed to come out yet. Sorry." Ellone started to sidle back towards her room.

    "It’s all right, Elle." I put on a smile and stood up. At least I still had my little girl. She beamed and came out, straightening her blue sundress.

    "Raine?"

    "Hm?" I idly rearranged the knickknacks on top of the bureau, not really listening.

    Ellone looked wistful. "Raine...Aren't you gonna marry Uncle Laguna?"

    Not likely any more, if it ever was, in light of recent events. "A guy like that?" I said, softly, more to myself than to Elle. "He was carried in here crying like a baby, and I was the one who had to take care of him..." I shook my head, forcing myself to remember why Laguna wasn’t good for me. "His crude way of speaking... I don't know if his aspirations as a journalist... Every time I try to have a serious conversation, he avoids it... I can't stand his snoring and he talks in his sleep..."

    She looked shocked, and I realized that I had never been that frank with her before about my feelings for Laguna. "But he's really nice! I really, really like him! Raine, Uncle Laguna and Elle should all be together!"

    "...But you know..." I said, "I think what he really wants to do is travel all over the world." I paced across the room, avoiding Ellone’s quizzical gaze. "I don't think he has it in him to live in a quiet country town like this one. Some people are like that..." I thought about Julia and let the anger bubble up. "...Ouuu, it makes me so mad!"

    Ellone’s eyes were full of tears. "You don’t like him?"

    Well, if I couldn’t be honest with myself, at least I could be honest with her. "...I feel the same as you, Ellone." She grinned at me as if she’d known it all along.

    A sudden noise from the stairwell made me whirl and gasp in surprise. Laguna hurried up the stairs, followed by Kiros. The color was high in his cheeks, and his eyes were bright.

    "Yeah! You’re back!" Ellone cheered. Laguna looked a little out of breath.

    "I came back… in a hurry!" he said, huffing ostentatiously. I couldn’t help but notice that Kiros seemed far less out of breath than Laguna. Strange.

    I schooled my features into a pleasant expression, lest the perceptive Kiros figure out that something was upsetting me. Laguna gave his usual report, standing at attention to deliver the numbers for the day’s extermination. Kiros looked faintly exasperated.

    "All right! Thank you. Shall we eat before you get started with the next patrol?" I asked, lightly. "You seem pretty tired. You should take a quick nap."

    "Let's eat, let's eat! Let's all eat together! You're joining us too, right Mr. Kiros?" Ellone looked at Kiros with big eyes. Kiros bowed elaborately to his small admirer.

    "Go take a quick nap and we’ll see you later." I tried to smile. Laguna waved goodbye and the two of them disappeared. "I’d better go finish lunch," I murmured. Lunch was the last thing on my mind.

    Tallah used to say that the world ended every day, but life goes on. I had plenty of time to think about that while piling cold cuts onto rolls. It felt like my personal world had broken into a thousand pieces, but I still had to get up and feed the two ex-soldiers and Ellone. I had to laugh. Irony abounds.